When Menopause Says “Plot Twist”: A Black Woman’s Take on the Midlife Mystery

my Grandbaby and me.

Let me start by saying this: I was not prepared.

I knew about hot flashes. I’d heard the whispers about mood swings and sleep disturbances. But no one told me menopause might show up like a petty ex, snatching things I love out of my life with no explanation—like fragrance… and my husband’s service dog.

Yep. You read that right. I am now allergic to our dog—who isn’t just a pet, by the way. He’s a trained service animal for my husband’s PTSD. He’s devoted, well-behaved, and frankly, the most emotionally intelligent male in the house. And now my body has decided he’s a threat. It’s like menopause saw something precious to me and said, “Let’s make her itchy about it.”

And then came the betrayal of fragrance. Once upon a time, I was that woman who walked into a room with a light trail of something warm, floral, or mysterious lingering behind. Now I’m the one side-eyeing scented candles and scanning product labels like a forensic chemist. My body said no to joy in bottle form, and now I live an unscented life that feels aggressively practical.

I even tried “fragrance-free” Dove. And let me tell you—it left me so pasty I was one step away from calling on the ancestors to intervene. So now I’m mixing my own body oils like a kitchen witch with a shea butter base. No scent. Just hydration, shine, and vibes. It’s DIY or nothing at this point.

But let’s talk about the temperature chaos. I am hot and cold at the same time, with no warning. Cold feet, overheated chest, sweat under a hoodie while my hands are like ice cubes. I don’t dress for the weather anymore—I dress for possibilities. I’ve become a master of the quick peel and layer, because my internal thermostat has gone rogue.

And yet… mood-wise? I’m actually fine. My sex drive hasn’t packed its bags. I’m not melting down emotionally. I’m still showing up, still managing responsibilities, still thriving—just in a body that sometimes feels like it's updating its software without asking me first.

So now what?

Here’s the thing: every woman’s experience with menopause is different. Some of us breeze through it. Others feel like they’re starring in an unpredictable nature documentary narrated by Morgan Freeman. And no matter how mild or intense your symptoms are, you deserve support.

• Talk to your doctor. There are real options out there—hormonal, holistic, lifestyle-related. Don’t let anyone dismiss you or tell you it’s “just a phase.”

• Talk to a therapist. Especially if the changes are affecting your confidence, your relationships, your mental health, or your sense of self. Menopause is physical, yes—but it’s also emotional. There’s grief, identity shifts, even isolation in the silence.

• Connect with other women. Talk to your girlfriends. Start the group chat. Say the awkward thing out loud. The more we share, the less alone we feel.

• Be gentle with yourself. And by gentle, I mean moisturize thoroughly, say no when you need to, and wear what makes you feel powerful and breathable.

At Creative Counseling, we hold space for all of it—the changes, the identity shifts, the “what is happening to my

body?” moments. Whether you need help naming what you’re feeling or just someone to validate that yes, this is real… we’re here.

This isn’t the end. It’s just another version of you—with layers. (Literally. Cotton layers. Maybe a fan in your purse. And a little custom oil blend in your bag. Don’t worry—you still got it.)